An 80 foot toll road has been opened by the Duchess of York, on a housing estate just outside Swindon. Featuring a shed, some petunias and a gnome with a fishing rod, the route shaves vital seconds from the journey between Acacia Gardens and Huxbury Crescent.
"I've always dreamed of building my own little slice of highway infrastructure", said Jeremy Mole, who not only owns it, but works in the toll booth. "And with up to three cars an hour making use of my premium transport solution, I'll soon pay back the cost of the gravel, and the 50 foot matrix signs."
Mole has a deal with the local radio station to let the public know when his road is available and flowing freely. "If you do suffer a breakdown, motorists are encouraged to put their hazard lights on and make their way to the safety of my kitchen diner", said Mole. "24 hours a day, there you'll find an emergency phone, a packet of hobnobs and the offer of well-lubricated, considerate anal love."