Bob Arkwright and Jeff Green, stalwarts of the Red Lion in Heckmondwyke, decided, last Friday, to break the habit of a lifetime and go to the toilet together.
“Women do it all the time”, said Bob, “so Jeff and I thought we’d give it a go, to see what all the fuss was about”. “I hadn’t realised how bad Bob’s aim is”, said Jeff, “until he tried to explain - with both hands - why Robin van Persie was ‘well offside’. Put it this way: you wouldn’t want to be standing near Bob’s stall if you were wearing open-toed sandals. Now I know why he smells of piss all the time.”
“Apparently”, said Bob, “the idea of going to the toilet together is to have a bit of a gossip. I couldn’t think of anything, so, for the sake of saying something, I told Jeff I’d shagged his wife. He took it badly”. “Bob and I won’t be going to the toilet together again”, said Jeff, “even when his face has healed up. Right now it looks like a consignment of condemned veal. Same again, Bob? Two more pints, love. Oh, and one straw”...
