In presiding over the divorce proceedings of Wayne and Traycee Metcalf, Mr Justice Benson ruled that it is profoundly unjust that they were both regaining the freedoms they enjoyed when they were single whilst their wedding guests would get nothing, the Saturday afternoon that they spent at the wedding would be permanently lost forever.
In order to make amends Justice Benson decreed that each wedding guest must specify a small provincial town where Wayne or Traycee must spend a Saturday afternoon and evening before staying overnight in a Travelodge. The town must be an inconvenient distance away and must not be somewhere worth visiting in its own right, Corby, Luton and Basingstoke were given as examples of suitable destinations. The town must be visited on a Saturday between May and August. Friends of the groom should choose dates and destinations for Traycee and friends of the bride should choose for Wayne.
The afternoon and evening must be spent watching other people have their photographs taken, conversing with drunken bores and sitting at a dinner table listening to someone else’s elderly relatives ramble on. Presents must be given but are limited to anything not really useful, a toaster received at your own wedding, a cake stand or monogrammed towels with the other partners initials.
In final clarification Justice Benson stated that mother in laws would have no say in any of the arrangements and should kindly shut the fuck up for once.