Secret plans to clothe all known football hooligans in self-basting, silver shell suits have been leaked.
Around half a dozen hooligans have already been intercepted trying to get into South Africa. They were immediately foiled and returned home to Millwall.
South Africa's police minister, Nathi Mthethwa, said, "I am personally very delighted by the British stance on this issue. Hooligans are now easy to spot. Previously we had been trained to look for very overweight, pink men with large breasts and shaven heads but as the average British football fan fits this description, we did not always target our peace-keeping batons as accurately as we could.
Now, as soon as we hear that distinctive rustle of aluminium, we can prepare the riot shields and the CS gas."
A spokesman for Millwall F.C. said, "It is unfair that our past reputation should haunt us like this. Not all Millwall fans are hooligans. Now duck off before I ducking punch yer."