French ski instructors are feeling the effects of the UK recession with a decline in off-piste action, traditionally provided by nubile daughters of the English home-counties set.
The situation throughout the Alps has reached amber levels with instructors complaining that ski schools are now filled with fat bankers and unattractive women travel writers on all-expenses-paid trips. According to reports from the most popular ski resorts it seems that the hills are no longer alive with the sounds of posh totty wrapped in the popular flags of Dubarry, Barbour and Joules.
Ski instructor Alain de Courbet, who normally achieves an average of 35 English county caps per season, has worked in the resort of Morillon for the last fifteen years. He now complains that he is unlikely to reach his peak. Speaking on behalf of many other frustrated French instructors he said. “Previously the Grand Massif has been how you say, ‘a rich hunting ground’ for le chasse of the English girl. Now the opportunity for the emptying of the French plums is getting tres tres difficile with this avalanche of goverment cuts. In short I am getting no fucks from Bucks.”
Reporting from French resort of Samoëns, travel writer Jocasta Brown said, “Quite frankly home-counties gals or the ’easyJet set’ as they’ve become known have a bit of a reputation in these parts so the recession has in many ways been a blessing in disguise. But French instructors are a determined bunch of chaps as we found out on Friday. With visibility so poor it was all that my companion, Elizabeth and I could do to see where the instructor’s hands were going. But the off-piste techniques he taught us on the previous day helped us to shake him off with ease and I must say he was extremely grateful for it.”
Instructor, Alain de Courbet continued, “Okay, the two women were not my usual type for certain, but instead of my normal rapid liaison derriere the chalet, I enjoyed a menage a trois in their hot tub and sauna, together with champagne and canapés, a three-course meal and coffee followed by what the ladies called a traditional English sandwich.”
But not everyone is satisfied. "I'm gutted that we won't be going this year," said redundant company director Bob Stapleton from High Wycombe, "it's especially sad for my 19 year old daughter Alice as she was simply gagging to get back on the slopes. We hardly saw her at all last year with the intensive one to one instruction we bought her. It paid off though as her instructor said she scored high in oral tests and was performing perfect snow ploughs by the end of the first week."