Jackie McDonald, reformed slattern, is giving motivational speeches at her local community centre (round the back of Spar in Kettering) to preach her Christmas message. After a 'road to Ikea' moment Jackie has seen the light.
Jackie first recognised she had a problem after her boyf, Dwayne, complained about having to get the hoover out to vac the crispy bits off the cooker top. He said he didn't aim to shame her, but they 'were a bit minging' and could ruin the aroma of his korma when they sometimes caught fire.
"Brought me up short that did", she said.
Dwayne shamed her further with his fastidious habits in the bedroom. "He is dead considerate, he kicks his kecks under the bed instead of leaving them inside out in the middle of the floor like I did". It is these little touches that made her realise this one might be 'for keeps' and she might have to make an effort.
Her resolve to change was reinforced after her common-law-ma-in-law chided her she wouldn't even qualify as a 'slummy mummy' "your house is a midden! If you dropped a baby among that lot we might never find it again".
Jackie's message to all is to start anew, and keep up the cleaning regime AFTER Christmas.
"I know that many of you will be dragging the Electrolux from all the crap under the stairs for the first time in months, meaning to give the carpets a go on Christmas Eve in the hope your mum/grandma and the rest of 'em will be impressed.
It's a start, but if you find it has broken down, can't find the warranty (and it was from Comet anyway), go see one of your elderly neighbours and borrow their dustpan and brush. Don't touch the carpet sweeper though, they are the instruments of Satan".