Every year without fail, on the 25th day of December, hundreds of thousands of normal thinking people chose to dismiss their common sense approach to sky beings, and join other churchgoers to participate in the celebration of the birth of a magic baby.
They flock to their local temple of worship, where they pretend to pray whilst greedily imagining what Apple product they may receive this year, even if its probably pretty much the same as the one they got last year with a higher number on the end. They mouth words to hymns they do not know, all the time internally humming Slade’s 'Merry Christmas Everybody' or lusting over Mariah Carey's bottom.
The Church’s campaign aims to raise awareness of treating God as a Furby or Airfryer, a fad to be discarded and consigned to the back of a cupboard days after Christmas once the novelty wears off.
Head spokesman for the Church of England and lifelong Christian the Archbishop of Canterbury sought to remind those who dabble with god just what long term commitments they must make “Being a Christian is a full time thing, you must have Jesus in your heart 24/7. You must love all men, except of course the gay ones and the Muslims. You must practice forgiveness, especially when it comes to priests, we all make mistakes after all. And you definitely must not covet Mariah Carey's ass, no matter how fine it is. She may sing very well, but then so do choirboys and we don't covet their asses do we. No we definitely do not. And lets no forget an Apple is what got us into all this shit in the first place."