A fish seller from north London has gone into hiding after people living in a Cornish village took out a contract killing on him.
Local turkey farmer Keith Harvey said the people of Lostwithiel had run out of Christmas cheer several days ago - around about the same time the rising flood waters had washed away their houses - and that the irritating ‘One Pound Fish Man’ song was about as much as they could take.
Harvey, shouting from a top floor window as yet another of his drowned turkeys came floating by said the villagers had organised a whip-round at the local pub on Friday night and raised the £20,000 needed to ‘take out’ the nauseatingly chipper fish monger in plenty of time for Christmas.
Although Harvey conceded that people living in Cornwall were more likely to be feasting on a one-pound-fish rather than on one of his submarinal turkeys, said the people of Lostwithiel simply wanted the fish-filleter dead.
But in an ironic twist of fate, not only could we see fish-man Shahid Nazir celebrating a Christmas number one with his catchy cod inspired tune but he will most definitely be celebrating number one on the Cornish hit parade too.
Nazir, who escaped to the UK after drawing a pair of comedy breasts and a tooth-brush moustache on a cartoon drawing of the prophet Mohammed following a heavy nights drinking said he would be returning to his home town in Pakistan where he felt he would be safer.
When asked if he would rather take his chances with the Taliban back home in Pakistan or with a Lostwithiel pensioner being rowed to safety in a canoe the ashen faced fish monger clutched his boarding-pass tightly and pushed his way to the front of the queue.
He said he would be returning to the UK sometime in the coming year once the furore surrounding his irksome little tune had receded.....or maybe even later in the year when the flood waters in Cornwall had receded...which ever happened first
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‘One Pound Fish Man’ goes into hiding
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Gerontius
offlineMemberPosted 5 months ago # -
waylandsmithy
offlineMemberLove it. I'm sure he'd face stiff competition from a hitman singing '20,000 pound fish monger'.
20 grand's a bit steep though, the going rate is about 2k...
Posted 5 months ago #
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