As a result of Andrew Mitchell constantly telephoning and texting David Cameron and calling him a ‘fucking posh boy’ who should know his place at least 250 times a day, the Prime Minister has finally caved in and agreed to a ‘plebiscite’ where every adult in the UK can vote and indicate which level of posh public schoolboy bullying twat they think Mr Mitchell is.
The three options will be: ‘Complete Twat’, ‘Complete and Utter Twat’ and ‘Paxman’.
The vote is due to take place on February 14th, at a cost to the taxpayer of £75 million.
“This is great news and a fantastic victory” said Mr Mitchell “I am 110% confident I will be vindicated”.
Police leaders said they did not want to unduly influence their members and that “we should all vote according to our conscience”.
Gordon Brown was said to be ‘a bit miffed’ the plebiscite was not about him as he specialises in wasting taxpayers’ money on pointless exercises, then he realised the last general election was more or less the same thing.