A two-bedroom flat on the outskirts of Luton is the best place to live in Britain, according to an estate agent at the Halifax. The third storey property, which features asbestos and cardboard, saw off stiff competition from Tunbridge Wells, Hart in Hampshire and a 2008 Swift Challenger, 3 berth, no offers.
“This is terrific news for anyone who might be thinking of moving to Luton”, gushed Jeremy Faulds, who carried out the research yesterday lunch-time. “The property is close to London without all that awkward cachet, and offers convenient access to racists.”
The flat tops a list of nearly 50 properties, all within 8 miles of Faulds’ office at the heart of the Arndale Centre. “The previous evictees were obviously very attached to the property, as they still have most of the ring main and copper piping”, enthused the cologned tosser. Faulds also pointed out that the smack-heads upstairs were ‘normally quiet before 10’ and the neighbour opposite offered ‘very affordable’ prostitution facilities.
Faulds is currently considering offers in excess of £1.3 million for the property, and confirmed that people who paid him the most commission 'tended to be the happiest'.