Mayans who predicted the end of the world yesterday have admitted that they were just ‘fucking with our shit’ for a laugh.
There have been earnest predictions by people who claim to understand the Mayan prophecy and the intricacies of its multiple calendars.
Derek and Rose Hepworth, who live near Salisbury, have been keeping their bath filled with fresh drinking water since Wednesday.
‘The Mayans have three complex calendars: the Tzolk’in, the Haab, and the Long Count,’ said Rose, ‘and it’s this last one that signifies the end of time on the 21st of December.’
‘Basically, that’s bollocks,’ said a Mayan. ‘We do have three calendars, but one is for work, one for home stuff, like getting the cats wormed, and one for counting down the days to Christmas.’
‘I got mine from Clinton. It’s got puppies on it, and there is chocolate inside.’