Stuck for present ideas for your nearest and dearest this year? Are your friends and family worried about the unfortunate mingling of nobility and vulgar people on their garden path due to poorly-designed entry and exit facilities? Then why not surprise someone this Christmas with a delightful hand-crafted Plebgate?
Available in exquisite wrought-iron moulding, this beautiful relic of aristocrat sensibility is the perfect gift for anyone who wants a purpose-made access point for visiting tradespeople and regrettable lower-class acquaintances. Why not position it near a side or rear door and ensure that your privileged house guests never again have to rub shoulders and make awkward small talk with distasteful inferiors?
Smaller but less pricey than the up-market Patrician-gate, the Plebgate serves as a sophisticated addition to any perimeter fencing and an eloquent reminder to commoners of their immovable station in life.
'I tend to get a lot of visits both from high-ranking politicians and low-ranking police officers, but in my line of work it's vital to try and keep the two from bumping into each other,' said satisfied customer Andrew Mitchell. 'But ever since I got my Plebgate all my ingress and egress problems have been solved. Now the politicos can come in the front way and the scum-of-the-earth pigs can use the Plebgate round the back. It's really put my career back on track.'
So why not impress the snob in your life this Christmas with this functional but eye-catching turnstile? Plebgate comes in traditional true-blue Tory finish and is available from all good Westminster shops.