Residents of the many retirement homes along Filey’s east coast shoreline awoke this morning to find the beach gone. CCTV footage revealed an operation at 2 am involving a group of men armed with JCBs and big trucks but none of the residents heard anything. ‘Where am I going to take the old girl out for walkies now?’ asked local man Herbert Sculley.
Police have asked motorists to be on the lookout for a convoy of about thirty trucks, last seen heading towards the Midlands. ‘In particular,’ said Sergeant Hopper at Filey police station, ‘local authorities as well as individual members of the public should be wary if they’re offered a job lot of sand at a bargain price, especially if it smells a bit.’
It’s thought that the exceptionally high demand for sand currently brought on by national flooding is providing rich pickings for beach thieves, with similar incidents being reported elsewhere. Meanwhile, the residents of Filey are praying they get their beach back in time for Christmas. ‘After sprouts and sausage stuffing,’ said Mr Sculley, ‘I wouldn’t want to see the old girl shitting on the promenade.’