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A MESSAGE FOR DAVID

(20 posts) (11 voices)

Started 5 months ago by writinginbsl
Latest reply from Ironduke

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writinginbsl

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Received this round robin today-get it every year addressed to someone who has never lived in my house.
'Chrissie has had her usual array of health problems.The main illness was a particularly unpleasant Urinary Tract Infection [...]and we ended up in the sexually transmitted diseases clinic [...] we were subject to some searching personal sexual questions that revealed a new side of Chrissie I had not seen in 23 years of marriage[.]Anyway, she now has 6 months of antibiotics ahead of her [...}

David- much as I enjoy the annual 2 sides of small font intimate details about your family you send me-please bear in mind I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHO YOU ARE.
Now please piss off and take your loved ones with you.
WBSL xxx

Posted 5 months ago #
rikkor

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Chrissie sounds like a goer.

Posted 5 months ago #
waylandsmithy

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I live for stuff like this. Amazing. What a weird, odd, hysterical thing to happen.

Posted 5 months ago #
writinginbsl

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yes, you may well be right, rikkor

'the main diy task this year was getting a new double bed for the French House-we have been making do with a three quarter sized one for the past ten years but Chrissie's size now just makes it very uncomfortable...' [1/3 page, almost endless, self absorbed drivel describing the construction of the bed..]

his daughter, who i shall not name, as i feel sorry for her, may be having sex with a boy, and can't seem to get job becuase she is unmotivated and 'her general knowledge is that of a five year old..'

Posted 5 months ago #
The All New Jeni B

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wibsl, is there a return address at all?

Perhaps we could collaborate on a response to send to him?

Posted 5 months ago #
Gerontius

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The Xmas card gives it away though

Merry Xmas and Happy New Year....Love....mum and dad

Posted 5 months ago #
writinginbsl

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jeni-

sadly no return address...

Posted 5 months ago #
Ironduke

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If I could possibly share a quote or two from our favourite:

'2012 began in New Zealand, travelling in a camper van. Justin (aged 5months) had a wonderful time and was good as gold sleeping in the van and on long haul flights, apart from taking a particular dislike to the final Virgin Atlantic leg back to Heathrow. Resistance to interrogation training is nothing compared with 7 hours on a flight with a screaming baby!'

'Angela then had an unsheduled stay in hospital in May followed by a period of convalescing with a good friend in June in Bury and Menorca while Max was away leading an expedition in the Bolivian Andes.'

Posted 5 months ago #
beau-jolly

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What a great idea. Write a spoof round robin and post it to a random stranger. Genious.

If I sent one it would have said. Got up, went to work. That's about it really.

Posted 4 months ago #
Quaz

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Now that idea is good: A NB spoof round robin.

"It's been an eventful year, and did not get off to a good start with an incident involving the Cockerpoodle, a Fondue, Great Aunt Alice, and a cigar."

Posted 4 months ago #
Tess Goes

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Is a Cockapoodle a cross between a male chicken and a small dog that frequents parlours, or do I have my wires crossed yet again ?
I hate all this bipolar shit.

Posted 4 months ago #
MADJEZ

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Gives me a great idea, how about next year we all write a spoof round robin and send it to our neighbours from some random person they don't know. Make sure you address it to them it'll mess with them while they try to remember who it is...

Posted 4 months ago #
The All New Jeni B

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I have two sets of American cousins-in-law who regularly send me the most irritatingly smug, and false, round-robins.
Every year, I decide that I must get around to writing an entirely fictitious one back.

Given their Republican, gun-toting, bigoted attitudes, I have plenty of wind-up scope.

Posted 4 months ago #
Tess Goes

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Very amusing idea Jez although I'd never mess with my neighbours in that way as it would be a complete and utter waste of time...
The inbreds can't read anyway and if they could they'd probably wanna shag me if I told the what I ever wrote about them was complimentary.

Posted 4 months ago #
Quaz

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I think a Cockerpoodle is a cross between a Cocker Spanial and a Poodle.

"For his work on 'better living through chemistry', young Jeffrey has won a scholarship to an approved school, a boarding institution where they have very eco friendly, recycled accomodation called 'rehab'."

Posted 4 months ago #
MADJEZ

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I know someone who has Shihtzu / Jack Russell cross puppies. They call them Jack-shihtz.

Posted 4 months ago #
dvo4fun

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Tarquin got a complete set of works for his 16th and with all his own paraphernalia is now quite happy to prep his own gear. But we've had to make it QUITE clear that he's not to use the solid silver spoons.

Posted 4 months ago #
beau-jolly

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Ooooh Have to share this one.
From my daughter's godparents (Her choice not mine) He is a PhD astro-physisist, ex-Captain in the territorial Paratroopers and ex rural Dean now working with juvenile offenders. She's a GP (and classical oboeist.)
Of the son:
Graduation with a high 1st in his MPhs, Winning Franz Mandl Prize in Theoretical physics, Internship with Jodrell Bank Reseach Group, about to publish 1st paper and going to start his PhD in Quantum Gravity.
Of the daughter (Who is fluent in Chinese, speeks decent Japanese and is a pretty good opera singer)
Just started her PhD in Women and Gender at Warwick. Thesis: emotions and feelings in video games.
And even the bloody son in law:
Starts his Phd on Heidegger at Warwick in the autumn. Now just laying down some tracks in his music studio.

Despite this they really are lovely people, just massive over achievers and, somewhat paradoxically, God botherers.

Posted 4 months ago #
writinginbsl

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well, beau

at least it was people who are known to you

and

at least its more interesting than a paragraph about a urinary tract infection...

Posted 4 months ago #
Ironduke

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I got caught out by a JackShit.

I was called in out-of-hours in Cheshire, by a gnarled and grizzled curt fifty year old bloke with a terrier that had a bad ear.

At the clinic I asked for name and details so I could access history (and, of course, so we could process the bill)...he blandly stated name and adress, whilst looking bored and grumpy- clearly the missus had sent him in to get the dog sorted and he had an inkling how much it would cost him. I asked 'and whats this little chap called?' 'JackShit'. I;d never encountered one before; naively said 'I beg your pardon' with stony faced reply 'Jackshit'. I (slightly prissily) said 'perhaps I'll just search under Jack', found it on the computer, turned and said 'sorry, could you just repeat his name once again?' to which he finally cracked a ghost of a smile 'Father were a Jack Russel, mother were a Shih Tzu. JackShit.'

Nearly (nearly, but of course, not quite) gave him a discount for the chuckle. he got me good and proper.

Posted 4 months ago #

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