Spider-Kid, the mischevious web-slinging child of superhero Spiderman, today sparked a national security alert after penetrating the inner reaches of the White House.
Skillfully swinging and crawling past dozens of armed Secret Service personnel the titchy arachnid made it as far as the Oval Office. As panicky bodyguards yelled for everyone to leave the room, Spider-Kid evaded them and trained his webs on President Obama.
Photographer Peter Parker managed to capture a snap of the pint-sized web-brat coating the President in his gooey spider residue.
“Yuck,” declared the President, before adding, “who let that kid in here? Goddamit, I just had this shit dry-cleaned.”
In a terse press statement Spiderman said: “My Spidey-Sense is telling me somebody’s grounded.”
The miniature hero’s mother Mary Jane Watson also confessed she was at the end of her tether: “He's got his father climbing the walls. We’ve both tried telling him, with great power comes great responsibility. He just kinda shrugs and says, whatever.
“This is bad though, attacking the President is crossing a line. It’s not like the time he peed on Iron Man’s suit and he rusted. We’ve told him to sit on the naughty roof and not to come down till he’s sorry.”
Spider-Kid was on a school trip to the White House with his teacher Professor Charles Xavier, who claimed he was powerless to prevent the child running off. Xavier said: “Hello?! In case you hadn't noticed I'm in a frickin’ wheelchair here!”
This is also not the first time Spider-Kid has caused embarrassment to his famous father.
In May, during a climactic battle with The Green Goblin atop City Hall, the arch-villain noticed strange marks on Spiderman’s costume. “Yeah, my youngest put Orangina all down it and it won't come out,” explained the friendly neighbourhood wall crawler. “Kids, eh?" agreed the Goblin, before Spiderman punched him in the stomach.
However, J Jonah Jameson, editor of the Daily Bugle, laid the blame for Spider-Kid’s errant behaviour squarely at the feet of the parents. He said: “This is what happens when you have a teenage mom and dad, both going out to work, and leaving the kid to be looked after by an elderly relative.
“If I was Spider-Kid’s dad I’d spank the creepy crawly little douchebag with all eight of Doc Ock’s arms, simultaneously.”
White House Chief of Security, Brick Townhouse admitted: “We’re almost as red-faced as Spiderman about this incident. Still, it's not as if it's the first time someone in the Oval Office has been covered in a sticky white goo.”