The Tory Party has appointed historian Niall Ferguson to overhaul the history syllabus in schools.
Michael Gove, the progressively popular Education Secretary said, "We've been teaching kids liberal clap-trap for thirteen years. They think the War of the Roses took place at the Chelsea Flower Show and that Cromwell's New Model Army is on sale at The Games Workshop. Yes, they've heard of Hitler but most have no idea where Margaret Thatcher fits into 20th Century politics."
Niall Ferguson, currently on a gap year from Harvard, is excited at the prospect of teaching history properly.
"I am not going to apologise for focusing on why Britain is the best and most historical of all the countries of the world. Italy, Greece, Egypt, China - it's clear that their little histories are nowhere near as exciting, nor as influential, nor as important as ours. Where was India before we colonised it? Well, I'll leave that question to the geographers to answer. Michael, David and I all agree that our Empire and Colonies made everyone very happy and much better off."
Simone Schema, Professor of History at the University of Crewe said, "This is bloody typical of Ferguson. He's like Darth Vader the way he bangs on about Empire! Look, history started badly and under Mr Gove will be steadily getting worse."
A spokesman for Number 10 said, "As far as the Prime Minister is concerned, history is just one thing after another. However, the least we can do is to get it taught right."