A new Government initiative to provide the poor and misinformed with 'Proverb aid' is to be launched in time for Christmas. A series of cleverly devised sayings, aimed at assisting the hard or tired of thinking during their day-to-day routine, will be offered in the form of a daily text message.
Labour ministers had reservations about the content of the proverbs, but have admitted the public would be foolish to "look a posh twat in the mouth", and that demanding more from the Tories is like "playing with fire - cold, hard fire". Although traditional proverbs are often less than trivial to decipher, the new efforts are simple enough to be followed by any Tom, Clegg or Harry.
The proverbs will provide personal development tips such as, "Sitting on your arse, will get you nowhere fast" and job application advice such as "No-soaper, no-hoper". General health is also a theme (Chips 'n' that will get you fat) along with suggestions for avoiding potentially hazardous situations (Don't smoke behind a cow).
Lib Dem ministers have slammed the proverbs as 'demeaning and dispiriting', likely in a direct response to the politically motivated "Yellow-tie, yellow-belly" and "it's fun to poke a sleeping coward".
"We see Proverb Aid as a new way of supporting those less fortunate than ourselves", remarked Mr. Cameron. "Band Aid was an excellent idea, really helping those with dwindling music careers back onto the music scene. Likewise, Proverb Aid can help people back onto their feet again, or at least suggest ways to stop falling off them so frequently. Blue tie in sight, voters delight!", he added, with a cheap smile.