Trump to cap the price of eggs
The US President is finally spending some time on domestic issues, aiming to placate his MAGA base, who are concerned about living costs. After shocking bankers by capping credit card interest, the President has moved on to other cost of living issues. The latest initiative is to cap prices on things that MAGA supporters regard as essentials. This includes eggs, which Trump voters prefer scrambled. The price of eggs will be capped at five dollars a dozen, which will make eg
World relaxes now they realise Trump wants Iceland
Despite confusion at Davos during Trump's speech, where people thought he had lost his mind and confused Greenland with Iceland due to the amount of frozen snow in Greenland, analysts now understand that the President was pitching for the US to buy out a major frozen food chain instead. 'It's true the President is prepared to send troops into Iceland HQ in Deeside, north Wales if necessary, but in reality he just wants to buy the chain and launch it in the US,' said White Hou
Trump immediately awarded all Nobel prizes
President Donald Trump has been awarded all of the Nobel Prizes on offer following his 2 hour press conference on Monday celebrating one year in office. The Nobel Committee admitted they were left with little choice after hearing Trump run through all of his achievements whist in office. 'Wow, I mean just wow!', said Hans Down, a member of the Nobel committee. 'I literally had no idea about the sheer amount of good stuff that President Trump had done. I mean, talk about hid
"But you're already king of Greenland," Denmark tells Trump
"You don't need to put any tariffs on us or our neighbours," Danish foreign minister Lars Lokke Rasmussen told President Trump at a ceremony in the Oval Office, "because we've all made you Lord High King of Greenland." With a smirk on his face, he formally handed the president a paper crown and a plastic badge with the words "Bigly Greenland Boss" on it, while half a dozen other European politicians applauded, sniggering, in the background. "I'm really a king?" asked Trump, h
Robert Jenrick Blames Country's Problems on Robert Jenrick
New Reform MP Robert Jenrick has unveiled his party's vision for the UK, blaming issues with migration, energy costs, low police numbers, the NHS, and taxes on Robert Jenrick. "Let me be clear," the MP for Newark and anagrams said in a speech, "uncontrolled mass migration and the flood of arrivals by boat is totally the fault of the former Conservative immigration minister Robert Jenrick, who is absolutely not the Robert Jenrick you see before you right now. The housing of mi
Trump to embark on nationwide tour of book depositories and grassy knolls
In an attempt to bolster falling popularity in the opinion polls, and possibly to deflect from the failure to release the Epstein files, the President is planning on a US-wide tour to raise his profile. 'I'm touring this great country bigly and I've been given a solid gold convertible car to drive through the major cities so adoring crowds can fete me,' said the President today, unfurling a large map showing his route from Washington Dead Centre to Dallas High Street, taking
No internet horror-sounds alright
Iran has cut off the internet to its people, prompting wide scale outrage online-which fortunately they don't have to read. Influencers and chat rooms have been furious, while most Iranians read a good book. This clampdown on CIA sponsored unrest, has meant no spam mail, no clickbait and no toxic posts by Donald Trump. Said one Iranian. 'I know I should miss all that online "democracy", but I now have an extra six hours a day with my friends and family. " One US General said
Denmark stand up to Trump
Denmark has upped the ante with President Trump by not only sending an advance party of three soldiers to Greenland but by attacking the US in a three pronged economic attack targeted at the President. Point 1: Denmark supplies the US with 30% of the insulin it uses. US response: Ha! The Donald doesn't care because he doesn't know he's type 2 diabetic. He thinks the daily injection is diet coke. Point 2: Denmark supplies the US with 100% of Ozempic. US response: Ha! The
Maybe Greenlanders were the friends we made along the way
In a heart warming end to NATO, the US revealed it had grown emotionally-but also territorially. Trump said. 'The true reward of a quest—is not the achievement itself, but the large mineral deposits in your soul.' He admitted that the Greenlanders had melted his heart and coincidentally melted their tundra to reveal prime real estate. You can not put a price on friendship he said, but you can put a price on acreage. He told the Greenlanders they always had the power to return
Give generously to Farage's non-charity for Tory strays
"I am not running a rescue charity for abandoned Conservative MPs," declared Nigel Farage, slinging an emergency dollop of Winalot into a bowl for Robert Jenrick at his Home for Stray Tories in Battersea. Just because I've taken in every cast-off Conservative cur dumped in our doorstep so far, from Rottweiller Anderson to Doberman Dorries, doesn't mean I'll be so soft-hearted in the future. "They're costing me a fortune in worming pills, besides anything else. So I'm making
