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First 'Bring Your Monarch To Work Day' a success says Cameron

(17 posts) (7 voices)

Started 5 months ago by Idiot
Latest reply from dvo4fun

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Idiot

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The Prime Minister has announced plans to roll out the initiative across the country in the new year after Her Majesty "sat quietly in the corner, did some colouring in and played Nintendogs on her DS".

"She even offered to make us all a nice cup of tea," added Home Secretary Theresa May, while Justice Minister Chris Grayling described the visiting head of state as being 'Very, very well behaved indeed", despite him having to ask her twice not to kick the back of George Osborne's chair.

Anyone wishing to take their monarch to work for the day should visit 'www.andwhatdoyoudo.gov' for further information and details of how to apply.

Posted 5 months ago #
Idiot

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Padded it out a bit.

Posted 5 months ago #
dvo4fun

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works for me.

The sub I mean, I'm not stupid

Posted 5 months ago #
Vertically Challenged Giant

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I like this. I think you need to re-iterate what “the initiative” is in the first line though, rather than just referring to it as “the initiative” and expecting people to remember the headline they’ve just read two seconds before.

Or is that just me? I generally write a headline then spend the first line expanding on the headline, adding in a little more information than I could fit into 80 characters.

Posted 5 months ago #
waylandsmithy

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I don't really think this works very well, the headline works as a ticker but the rest of the sub doesn't really go anywhere. I don't think the idea of the queen behaving like a child when compared to the cabinet is believable, it needs more bite.

Posted 5 months ago #
Idiot

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It's not supposed to be believable, just daft.

Posted 5 months ago #
Boutros

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works for me.
Great as a ticker. Unfortunately needs more to make it a FP, which I think the idea (or at least the opportunity it presents) deserves. Shame to stop at NiB.

Love the bit about George Osbourne's chair.

Posted 5 months ago #
waylandsmithy

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It's daft, but it doesn't feel like there's any ring of truth in it. And the ending is weak: a 'funny' web address is a cop-out.

Posted 5 months ago #
Perks

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I think maybe it could work as an 'undercover boss' type story or if you want to stick with the bring your monarch work idea, I would not make her look like a kid, but explore others that want to to the same. Bob the sewage pipe maintainer wants to take her to work next

Posted 5 months ago #
waylandsmithy

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Perks suggestion works much better. That's a far more interesting angle.

Posted 5 months ago #
DrTurmoil

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Very funny headline, and I think the story can work. You do have to go with the theme of bring your son/daughter to work so I think the queen acting like a child is on the right lines. But maybe it's stronger if they're all treating her like a child rather than her acting like one?

Trying to keep her occupied so they give her some colouring or someone lends her their iPhone?

A child in an office usually gets quizzical looks don't they? As people try and work out why they're there and who they belong to? Cabinet members could do that as they come in... Someone could be patronising (probably an old/single male Lib Dem who doesn't really know how to talk to monarchs), somebody could find some photocopying for her to do.

Would there be any way to bring the idea that the queen has had Prince Charles doing a kind of 'bring your child to work' scheme for the past 40 years?

I still think she should be kicking the back of Osbourne's chair though.

Posted 5 months ago #
Idiot

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I was going to do precisely that (Perks' suggestion) but it's an expanded ticker at the end of the day, and now I've gone and broken my solemn vow never again to get involved in the to-ings and fro-ings of NIBs and FP's. Anyway, do what you want with it if you're that bothered Wayland.

Posted 5 months ago #
Idiot

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Oh, and another idea was a take on the 'come and see what we grown-ups have to go through to put food on your table' kind of thing, though the story would have to be expanded way beyond a visit to the cabinet in that case. Honestly, feel free to add/subtract/change/whatever, if you so wish.

I'm sticking to tickers, so much easier.

Posted 5 months ago #
waylandsmithy

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I'm not bothered at all, Idiot. It's for you to do what you like with it, if you can be arsed. Just giving feedback, I remember now why I gave up doing that.

It's an idea with some promise, but the delivery was a bit weak. There's been lots of good suggestions on how it might be improved. Normally people complain when they're ignored...I'll look forward to you moaning your bag off about that next.

Posted 5 months ago #
Idiot

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You misunderstand me Wayland. I can't be bothered to write full-length pieces for this site simply because, having tried many times, my style and sense of humour doesn't seem to fit what's required. These days I just write the odd ticker, mainly to amuse myself . If someone thinks (seemingly in this case) that an idea of mine is good enough to expand upon (and worthy of criticism) then they're more than welcome to take it and do what they like with it. That's all I meant, though maybe I should have worded it differently. Anyway, no offence was intended.

Posted 5 months ago #
waylandsmithy

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Fair enough, sorry for over-reacting. You could easily make this a good NiB with a few hat-tips here and there.

Posted 5 months ago #
dvo4fun

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well, the referee's decision is final and ... it ... is ...... a nice ticker, idiot

Posted 4 months ago #

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