Ok, here's my take on it. May need a new headline though.feel free to use some/all/none of it
Edinburgh zoo has come in for heavy criticism today after a visit from schoolchildren for the official naming of their latest resident bear ended in farce. The children only got to see the bear for a total of 30 seconds when he came out to steal one child's pack of 'wotsits' in a bid to cure his 'munchies'. The rest of the time he spent stoned in his den.
The Bear, who was named Nathan by a competition winner, is thought to have had an all night smoking session with neighbouring Canadian Black bears. Despite the shock and upset this has caused, head vet at the zoo told us this type of thing is common place.
"If you look at the problems in our prison service, you will see that keeping animals in captivity leads to drug abuse" she explained. "This can range from recreational drugs such as the pot that Nathan smoked, through to date-rape drugs. We caught the male Panda using Rohipnol. But unlike human use, he spiked his own drink so he didn't have to mate"
The drug problem in zoos was first discovered in London Zoo where the Polar Bears' use of 'class As' caused confusion. "Initially we thought they had taken that final step in evolution and become the same colour all over" a senior biologist at the zoo told us. "Turns out his white nose was caused by a casual dusting of cocaine"
The task that the Zookeepers face is finding where the supply of drugs is coming from. Initial investigations have shown that a complex networks of tunnels dug by meerkats may be being used to transport and hide the stash. However, as with all major drug cartels, the meerkats have their drugs den well protected with the strategic placement of 'spotters' making a surprise raid impossible.
The zoo has apologised to the school and offered them the chance to revisit. "This time we cannot guarantee that the bear will not be as high as a kite, or any other bird in our aviary but we have put out some educational material to help explain why" a spokesman told us. "Next to the board explaining his name, age and species, we have included information on the 'sleepy state' of high bear Nathan "