In response to the recent government challenge to all energy suppliers, British Gas have unveiled the new 'Winterlude' package for the elderly. The new offer involves a comprehensive care package from British Gas, thus far not advertised in the 'creepy upside down tennis balls' campaign.
A spokesman proudly outlined the features of the new Winterlude offering. "The elderly are given a warm supper, lovingly prepared with just the right amount of sedatives, they are then lagged in loft insulation (at least 9 inches deep) then rolled into a safe storage facility for hibernation."
"Our trained operatives undertake to revive the customer and service their boiler in the springtime, and for those on the 'premium' tariff, we promise to wake you before August. We do of course, ensure that an agency nurse periodically checks our human charges in the 'Therminator', and we have an engineer set the heating in their house/flat/dwelling to 'constant' (but at an economically low level), so their pipes don't burst while the property is unattended".
The governement have applauded the initiative and suggested that subsidies may be available in lieu of winter fuel payments, and indeed, pensions. "Well they won't need it while they are hibernating", said George Osborne.