The coalition have agreed to store a cardboard box filled with ripped newspaper, food and Nick Clegg in the attic at 10 Downing Street for the winter months. He is due to be released in April pending a commons vote.
The move is thought to be the only policy both the Conservatives and Liberal Democrats have agreed on. Vince Cable told us ‘recently he has shown he’s a bit tired and in desperate need of a rest. Anyone who suggests legalising drugs or truly believes the Lib Dems have an influence in government is in clear need of help. He will hibernate for 5 months, but a vote in April will decide whether we should put him to sleep for a lot, lot longer.’
The decision has got so much support from his fellow Lib Dems they have even agreed to tie the box up with the party’s ‘three line whip’. The only reported disagreement was over who should put the air holes in the box. As David Cameron explained ‘they said we could have the privilege as a goodwill gesture, but we believe that it is their job as he is their leader. However, in true coalition style, we met in the middle and agreed no one should do it’