After the runaway success of his take on the Newtown massacre, Morgan Freeman has signed a two-year deal to provide simple, soothing explanations for all of life's troubles announced Facebook marketing executive, Morgan Freeman.
Freeman, who has played both God and Nelson Mandela in film, was unavailable for comment, preferring to stare wisely from a still photograph on the Internet until you forwarded his message, but it is understood this could double his income from advertising MoreThan insurance products on British TV.
"You want to know why?" asked Freeman, rhetorically, pausing before answering his own question in a slow Southern drawl. "Because people need the comfort that religion used to provide, and imagining Morgan Freeman's voice in your head telling you how to understand complex issues, no matter how half-baked or poorly researched those explanations are, is what this generation needs."
"I'm Morgan Freeman".