Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, has today announced a possible move to a daily celebration of Christmas to boost the ailing retail sector and help economic growth. First mooted by glam rock band, 'Wizard', in their 1973 Christmas hit, the idea has now been seized by the Chancellor as a potential tactic to bolster his faltering economic plans.
It's thought that the Chancellor was first drawn to the idea at the Tory Christmas party, when the DJ they had hired for the evening played the record for the first of a staggering 17 times. The possibility of maniacal, all-year-round shopping and binge-drinking seem too great a lure to Mr. Osborne, and it looks likely that he will make this his key policy aim for 2013, with 2014 set to be the first year of the daily celebrations.
The Archbishop of Canterbury is said to be delighted with the idea, with the possibility of soaring congregations and daily Church attendances.
Others aren't so happy. RMT Union Leader, Bow Crow, has expressed his disgust at the move. "Our members simply cannot be expected to work on Christmas Day unless a double rate of pay can be agreed upon," he stated. "We will have to ballot them as to whether strike action is necessary. If this means no trains every day, then I'm afraid that will have to be the case until a satisfactory pay agreement can be reached."
Labour Leader, Ed Milliband, has also expressed his disgust at the move. "This smacks of desperation," he said. "It is a last-ditch attempt to halt the economic slide which, unfortunately, is inevitable under this Government. Also, if I have to listen to that fucking Wizzard song every day I'll fucking kill someone."