Scientists at Oxford University say they are no nearer developing a urine-soluble chewing gum than when they first started.
And with the nation’s gum chewers still unable to grasp the non-symbioticic relationship between gum and urinal the need to find a solution is now greater than ever.
Thanks to specially developed electrolytes and enzymes that are released slowly during mastication, modern day gum is able to remain both constant and fluid throughout hours of aggressive chewing.
But despite years of research involving the greatest scientific minds of their generation, the quest for a gum that dissolves instantly upon contact with a gentleman’s urinal and/or urine itself remains stubbornly out of reach.
Dr. Evan Rodenhurst, a research analyst at the University says an answer to the gum/urine conundrum remains a mystery.....‘Saliva is made up of a complex amalgam of inter-dependent chemical signatures such as glycoproteins and lysozyme backed up by hydrogen and oxygen ions. In order to dissolve gum, the positive hydrogen ions dissociate with the oxygen ions and form an ionic bond with the gum's anion, and the same happens with the oxygen and the gum's DNA. We have been able to identify, isolate and then eradicate these enzymes allowing the gum to remain constant while in the mouth of the chewee.
But until we are able to eradicate the enzyme that prevents gum from dissolving on contact with a man’s urine, then I’m afraid to say the UK’s public urinals will continue to overflow with unpleasant aqeous discharge.
Dr Rodenhurst said similar research into why a gum that is being chewed does not stick to your teeth and yet a discarded gum sticks to the bottom of your shoe immediately upon contact was abandoned back in the mid 1970’s
And now, with scientists struggling to find funding for their research, there are growing fears the hunt for a urine-soluble gum may go the same way.
‘Besides, gum chewers should be made to swallow their gum not spit it out’ added Dr. Rodenhurst ‘afterall, they’ve had it festering in their mouth for 6-8 hours....it’s virtually shit anyway’.