T'was the night before Christmas and all through the Houses of Parliament, David Cameron, dressed in red and white in a vain attempt win over the general public once it comes to light that Atos are now drunk on power and brandy wine, greets mentally handicapped children -- dressed as Father Christmas, he has one on his lap at a time to tell them what they'd like for a gift now that the Yuletide season has been marred by a cut to the money they're provided with which to live. No surprise, three died while waiting 45 minutes in line, making this event more detrimental to public health and safety than staying a night in an NHS hospital.
Although delighted to have the chance to meet with Santa before he made his way back to the North Pole to fornicate with Mrs. Claus, the kids seemed ill at easy. "Santa's got a chestnut in his pocket... only unlike a chestnut it's throbbing," commented one lad. Fortunately the BBC were there to look the other way and instead offer compensation in the form of sweeties for all and providing affidavits as a public service upon their receipt.
"I've always had a soft spot for lame and retarded children," stated Cameron, "they've always had a close place to my heart ever since we euthanised my disabled son -- it was either that or take a reduction in hours at work, which would have precluded my shagging my secretary."
All these brave young lad and ladies were presented with a card that contained a crisp new £20 note... only then to be seized by the DWP upon their exit from the building. It looks like it is going to be a very merry Christmas for the Chinese, however, as Atos are making enough of a balls up of their job here in Great Britain for the Chinese to start buying up British debt by the shed load.