Madam Coco the Clown was arrested at her south-west London home last night, accused of running a 'disorderly house', after a rather lengthly 'sting' operation by the Met police.
'Party planner' Coco (née Payne) faces nine charges of controlling 'clown prostitutes' and offering 'Comic Relief' services from her surburban home in Streatham. The neighbours have claimed they had no idea of the goings-on behind the chintz curtains.
"We would see clown cars turning up at funny times of the night admittedly, and some incongruously posh cars with chaps in respectable suits entering and leaving at odd hours", said one neighbour. "But we thought all that honking and bonking was just normal for clown folk".
Members of Madam Coco's coterie of clowns, staunchly loyal, defended the activities at number 32, Ambleside Avenue.
A lugubrious young man with a red nose, giving his name as 'Bozo' stated "We were offering therapeutic massages and 'relief' to a loyal clientelle who just happened to like the anonymity of our clown costumes. One senior MP, who we wouldn't want to name if Madame Coco gets sent down, was particularly aroused by our frilly sleeves and oversized clown shoes. He used to say that big shoes turned him on because they 'meant something'. When he was tied up we used to pleasure him with the squirty flower and parpy car horn until he said 'sorry'. Surely in this day and age that is acceptable".
Colleagues 'Beppo' and 'Harpo' also angrily denied that money changed hands. "We never charged for our services, we merely accepted charitable donations that then went to worthy causes. Or luncheon vouchers".
"We did sling one chap out who got the wrong idea when he wanted Groucho to do a 'Lenny Henry' to him. We wouldn't be that unfunny, not even for a million quid".