Villagers from the tiny community of Ruritania in Eastern Europe say they can’t wait to eat the goat donated as an ethical Christmas gift by the Spencer family from Sittingbourne.
“Every Christmas, kind people from Britain send us a goat, and every year it’s delicious,” says local schoolteacher Dracovic Popivic.
A spokesperson for the goat-based charity NoKidsLeftBehind, which promotes the scheme, says: “Everywhere else we donate a goat, the villages breed the goats for market, drink their milk and use their dung as fertiliser. The big problem with this particular village is they just love the taste of goat.
“When we drop the goat off we always ask, you’re not going to eat this one are you? And they always say, no: then we go back a couple of days later, there’s no sign of the goat and everyone’s burping.”
European goat monitor Hans Kringle says: “We estimate Ruritanians have munched their way through approximately 35 donated goats, 20 sheep, four pigs and two cows, this year alone.
“You could view this as a perfectly normal reaction to prolonged spells of poverty and hunger but the average Ruritanian has a BMI of 49, which is officially classed as morbidly obese.”
When asked what might be done to tackle the issue of the villagers excess goat consumption, Kringle replies: “I think it may be time for the charity to review what is effectively a meat donation programme to a town full of cheeky gutbuckets.”
When asked how the village would react to a cessation of goat services, Popivic tries to remain sanguine: “I can’t pretend we wouldn’t miss it. Having regular goat deliveries has brought our community closer together, and it makes a nice change from pizza.”
Keith Spencer who with his wife Linda donated this year’s Ruritanian Christmas snack, says: “I work in cloud computing and Linda does Pilates, so we consider ourselves incredibly blessed; so when Christmas comes we like to spread it around.
“We don’t think of Chris as our goat, he's their goat, although I confess I will be a little disappointed if he doesn’t at least make it to the Queen’s Speech, unscathed.”
However, the people of Ruritania maintain they are grateful to the Spencers and want others to consider making similar bovid donations.
Postmistress Natasha Previk is typical of many Ruritanians when she says: “If you keep sending ‘em, we’ll keep eating ‘em.”