There were boos from the terraces and disapproving looks from the pews following news of Premiership side The Church's shock defeat to a rejuvenated A(fc)Theism side. Despite being in charge for only a few games Justin Welby's position as manager and shepherd now looks increasingly precarious, despite having received a 'vote of confidence' from Him.
A(fc)Theism struck early doors after a set piece argument cleverly worked by Dawkins. The Church never really looked up for the fight and they went into the break a goal down. Fortified by wine and wafers the Church came back strongly second half and could have equalised had they made more use of Sentamu, the Ugandan-born striker, much loved by the Church's supporters for his no-nonsense tackling of difficult subjects. But even with Sentamu's strong defensive stance on homosexuality, the Church looked increasingly tired as the game progressed. This lack of fitness resulted in a spectacular own goal in the 90th minute. "The Church cocked up tactically there" said one supporter "We should have played any of those girl's on the bench, but refused to. As a result, they scored. Had they come on, who knows, we might have just nicked it. Having said that, I think we made the right decision, by the way."
After that, the game was essentially over. With 5 minutes to go, A(fc)Theism brought Hawking on to run down the clock. This he did in his inimitable, and, some would say, incompehensible, way.
"People say we need a saviour" said Welby in his post match interview "and I agree. Unfortunately Mr Hernandez doesn't want to leave Barcelona. Any more questions before I take evensong?"
These are worrying times for the once almighty side of The Church as it continues to slip down the table. While newly promoted teams like A(fc)Theism are able to attract players such as Fry and Dawkins, The Church still relies very much on prayer in the transfer market.
"Ive only got one criticism of Justin Welby as a manager" said ex-Coventry city goalkeeper David Icke "And that is he's Reptilian necrophilliac nonce. And we all know nonce's are crap at football."