Scientist at the CERN Laboratory are looking forward to their annual Christmas Collider Day. The day allows lab workers one spin in the Large Hadron Collider with no restrictions as to what they collide. Physicists at the Swiss –Franco facility reminisce with stories of previous collisions such as Shane Warne into Liz Hurley and the unsuccessful Apple maps into an IPhone. “We all knew it would end in disaster, but we egged him on and in they went. It was hilarious, we still laugh about it now” said Bill Green, not making it clear which collision he was referring to.
Rolf Dieter, Head of CERN added “Although it’s intended as a fun day for the guys, in the past the event has produced a number of interesting results. Just look at the Duck Billed Platypus and cider and black, they both came about as a result of Christmas Collider Day”.
“It also throws up some freakish results that should have never seen the light of day and I’m including The UKs Coalition Government and Kerry Katona in those ones. Yes, sometimes we can go too far!” he went on to say.
One CERN colleague who isn’t as excited about the forth coming day is Harry Grimshaw the caretaker at the CERN laboratory. “Who do you think spends the next week cleaning this thing up? Last year I spend 4 days trying to get bits of chicken and Keith Chegwin out from between the magnets. God knows what I’ll be sweeping up this year”.
Favourites for the near light-speed collision this year are One Direction into a cuckoo clock, Louis Walsh into a public convenience and a gay marriage into the Church of England.