The British military are finally making inroads at reducing the number of improvised explosive devices found in Afghanistan after the implementation of 'Project Pinta'.
The home-made bombs are typically formed from 4- and 6-pint milk containers filled with a variety of explosives, and army officers have encouraged an increase in milkmen making traditional foil-topped deliveries in Kabul and the surrounding area to discourage locals from nipping to the nearby Tesco Express to grab the plastic alternative.
Many of the new deliveries are being undertaken by British milkmen, drafted into military service after the downturn in trade in the UK. 'We tend to do our rounds very early, well before the insurgents get up for breakfast,' said former King's Lynn milkman Roger Davies. 'The cover of darkness is obviously a bonus, but the main reason is that you really don't want to keep them waiting for their Rice Krispies of a morning. They'll be there on their doorstep, AK-47 in hand, demanding to know why you're late and making sure you mark that day's delivery as free in the diary.'
'We've been giving training to newcomers from the UK too, mostly just getting them to cut out their usual cheery whistling as it tends to make you a bit of a sniper target,' said Roger, 'and we really have to instil a fear of clinking the bottles when working early a.m. -- waking up an Islamic extremist during his beauty sleep usually ends in a bit of a one-sided gunfight to be honest. I've heard of some milkies trying to fight back with whatever comes to hand, but they usually come off worst thanks to the Taliban using bullets instead of a few dozen eggs and the occasional strawberry yoghurt.'
Military experts are thrilled at the success of the project so far and are expected to develop further UK-sourced campaigns to save even more lives. Some are still in a very early stage of development, such as 'Project Splurge Gun' aimed at weaning the Taliban off their dependence on Chinese made ordnance onto 'safer alternatives'.
Religious magazine The Watchtower has, however, raised considerable objections to the next campaign that the army is pinning their hopes on, claiming that the so-called 'Project Jehovah's Witness' is bound to end with a great many fatalities. An army spokesman has said that they believe the general public in the UK 'won't be too bothered'.