New research has revealed that the end of the 5,125 year “Long Count” Mayan calendar does not signify the end of the world on 21st December 2012 as was commonly thought, but rather the coming of gender equalisation in the insurance and annuity markets.
As hippies, scaremongers, and opportunist scientologists across the globe have been busy preparing for the coming Armageddon, researchers at Nottingham University have been working hard on deciphering some ancient as yet unseen Mayan scrolls.
Prof Mike Knowles explained “The Mayan people have always valued fair underwriting of their vehicle insurance based on relevant risk. Over 5,000 years ago they foresaw the coming of a great change. Not the collision of Earth with planet Nibiru, but rather the European Court of Justice banning underwriting based on gender.”
But not all academics agree with this interpretation, as Prof Mike went on "Of course those tits over at Loughborough think it foretells the last series of Strictly Come Dancing for Brucie. Quite frankly they should stick to what they're good at, like timing people on running machines"
Rico Celestino Nac Yoj, a Mayan sage burned seeds and herbs to mark the end of the old way in Cuba. He said “Annuity rates are rubbish anyway, I keep my money invested in Pyramid Building Investment Trusts. In fact I’ve got a great opportunity for you, all you have to do is find 8 friends with $1,000 dollars each to invest.”