Prince Nawamto Kilimanjaro from Nigeria has today bought Arsenal FC for the surprise amount of £5 and has promised fans their long wait for trophies will be soon over.
Quoted from Birmingham (where he is currently on vacation in an exclusive apartment in the city’s Aston area) the Prince said; “I have £400 million to make available for the Arsenal board to immediately buy new players such as Lionel Messi, as soon as I receive the club’s bank details I will transfer the money.”
When contacted by representatives from Newsbiscuit Sport Barcelona star Messi revealed that Prince Kilimanjaro’s brother Nekwembe had already been in touch with him and the most surprising transfer deal in football history could already be in process.
Messi said; “Nekwembe contacted me yesterday and offered me a staggering £1 million per week to play for Arsenal which I cannot really turn down. He was so keen to get the ball rolling that he even added a lucrative sponsorship deal to the transfer. My face will appear on all of their business interests in Nigeria, they own oil lakes among other things, all I had to do was buy some shares in their company for legal reasons so I’ve gave them my credit card details and that should be sorted out soon. Apparently the brothers are also great friends with the man from Del Monte so maybe even I can get some sponsorship there, or at least some cheap pineapples.”
Arsenal fans welcomed the news and hoped that their now nearly decade long wait for a trophy would come to an end. Speaking from Islington library, where the summer training camp for all Arsenal fans takes place, fan club president “Big Dave” whispered; “It’s going to be so great for our manager to be able to buy new players, just think of the money we will save on nappies when we don’t have to keep all the young players on the team.”
Premier League officials also welcomed the move and said that the Prince passed all of their rules on football club owners and added that they would release an official statement as soon as they got back from their fact-finding trip to the five-star resort owned by the Prince located just outside Aldershot.
DISCLAIMER - I wrote this over a year ago and it was on the Outside Toilet website already but I thought I'd give it a go here to see what you all thought.