A new non-ministerial department is to be set up to deal with companies such as Starbucks and Amazon who avoid paying their fair share of the UK tax burden.
The new department HMCR (Helpful Magic Carpet & Rugs) will allow multinational corporations to bundle their current tax affairs under a complex range of fiscal loopholes and sweep them all under one giant magic carpet in an effort to make them all go away.
Shareholder George Osborne welcomed the move, saying that he completely understood how a massive corporation receiving billions of pounds of taxpayers money could still turn out to be an abject financial disaster.
Global tax avoiders also welcomed the initiative saying they now looked forward to setting up operations in the UK and putting even more hard working people out of business.
Starbucks head of finance Tory Rinstead said the new tax rules would enable the coffee giant to put most independent coffee shops out of business as early as 2017-18 while Amazon promised shareholders the little family-run bookshop on the corner of Barton Lane in Evesham ‘had just a few days to live’ and guaranteed it would be a charity shop by this time next month.
‘Failing to record a taxable profit should not be seen as not making a profit’ insisted Osbourne ‘and HMCR will be here to make sure multinationals continue to do exactly the same as they have been for many years to come’.
‘Here, here’ cried a whole army of directors, consultants, advisors, lawyers and accountants sitting to his right.
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'Axminster to become new tax haven' says Osbourne
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Uncle Bertie
offlineMemberPosted 5 months ago # -
Midfield Diamond
offlineMemberI liked it too but, having also entered the Neat-O, wasn't sure of the etiquette involved - am I allowed to praise the sub in the sure knowledge that the judgement of the esteemed Neat-O setter will not be swayed? Or should I have slagged it off in an attempt to better my chances?
Now that the Neat-O results are in, I can safely award some stars of my own
Posted 5 months ago #
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