I do not share a social life with my partner. We have separate bank accounts. Occasionally, after a few sherries on a Friday, we have a quick fumble on the stairs, but I certainly do not consider it a relationship in the meaningful sense of the word. Therefore I should like to claim £950 per month from someone - who? - to keep me in the manner &c. &c.
No-one within my circle knows of my relationship with the Newsbiscuit website. I'd like to keep it that way. People talk, you know.
I need urgent advice on how I can maintain my moral authority in the parish - I own shares in a hand-embroidered bed linen company and am a pillow of society - and still be quids in.
Speedy responses much appreciated.