International Pop Queen, Sir Elton John has announced the true identity of the surrogate mother chosen to bear his second child. In a secret deal it has been revealed that Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge was impregnated with two eggs and two different sources of baby batter in an attempt to give birth to twins.
“It was Diana’s wish,” said an ecstatic Sir Elton, “that I should become a fully-fledged Queen when the opportunity arose. So, in preparation, phials of my frozen love juice have been stored in various royal locations across the globe to be easily available during conception.”
Fitted with special fore-play alerts which ring out the tune of ‘Are You Ready for Love?’ the phials could then be quickly opened by royal aides and put into service.”
Since the announcement made by Sir Elton the Duchess of Cambridge has spent most of the time throwing up and is likely to need extensive bed rest and psychotherapy over the coming months.
In a statement from St James’ Palace, the Duke of Cambridge said, “Kate will be really fortunate to have two father’s present at the birth and obviously we’ll let her decide which baby she Furnishes to Sir Elton. Get it?”