Grumblers spent thousands of pounds on a Blackpool hoopla stall - aware the odds of winning anything worth more than 10p were 732,600,400 to one.
Items from the stall were later seized and passed to expert Dr "Lucky" Lucy, who often helps evaluate forensic evidence for the police.
"It was all cheap shit made in Taiwan," he said. "Only complete idiots pay hundreds of pounds to win a plastic comb available in any discount shop for a few pence."
He recreated the game in laboratory conditions and invited staff and students to play - all without success.
"Clearly I work with idiots, too," concluded Dr Lucy.
Officials from Blackpool Council visited the stall over a two-year period and witnessed hundreds of thousands of imbeciles trying to win cheap, plastic crap.
Most of the them were visitors wearing "See You Jimmy" tam o'shanters the Authority said.
Council public protection officer Hank Mcshaunney said: "One muttonhead who had come to Blackpool had spent £1,200 to £1,500 playing the hoopla game. It is to be hoped he doesn't ever get offered the chance to meet Prince Andrew."