The Vatican have today announced that the hundreds of years of tradition, pomp and ceremony the Papal Conclave will be based upon a more populist idea suggested by Simon Cowell.
On the death of the current Pope a reality based show will be launched called Pope Stars the Rivals. Eligible Cardinals will firstly audition in front of Simon Cowell, Saint Cheryl, Cardinal Carmelengo and two prominent Catholics (Tony Blair and Lady Gaga are rumoured panellist) will then whittle down 211 Cardinals donw to a short list of 12.
After Bootcamp and visits to the mentors homes the remaining 12 will be reduced over the next 6 days, by a system of Cardinal ballots and the public phone vote.
After each show two Cardinals will be rejected and the bllots burned.
The colour of the smoke signals the results to the people assembled in St Peter's Square. Dark smoke signals that the ballot did not result in an election, while white smoke signals that a new pope was chosen
Ultimately the televised final will result teh crowning of teh successful Pontiff and the the traditional white smoke emanating from the Cistine Chapel.