Scientists and theologians admit they are baffled by new evidence which suggests gravity may after all be part of our belief system rather than a physical fact. The evidence comes in the form of British astronaut Buzz Anderson, who continues to float everywhere even though his ISS assignment ended over a fortnight ago.
Buzz’s pragmatic wife Andrea said she did not understand what all the fuss was about. “Not believing in gravity is surely a matter for the individual’s personal conscience,” she said, “and it’s also very useful for changing the light bulb on the landing and getting the cobwebs down while he’s up there.”
Anderson’s mother said Buzz – named after space hero Buzz Lightyear – had been a bouncy baby and high as a kite as a teenager. “It’s probably genetic,” she said; “his father flew a lot.”
Levitating Buddhists from Tibet, however, dispute the idea of congenital buoyancy. “I spent many years in a profound state of meditation, seeking nirvana on the astral pane,” said Chi Wo, “and managed six inches off the ground. This Anderson is obviously a freak, he’s what we call a ‘floater’. It’s probably wind.”
But down-to-earth Andrea dismissed the entire debate. “It’s all going over my head,” she said, “I like a gin before dinner, not a discourse in metaphysics. Now, are you coming down for your dinner, Buzz, or do you want it up there on the ceiling?”