North Korea has announced plans to completely scrap any concept of having a South. The move is in retaliation for Seoul blaming Pyongyang for a submarine attack on one of its warships.
United Nations officials wrote to the North Korean government demanding an explanation for the attack on the South Korean vessel only to be told, “South? What South?”
Official state television in North Korea reports that the country now only has a North, East and West and anyone attempting to face in any other direction will be shot, most probably from the side.
South Korea has further stoked tensions by massing large groups of soldiers along the demilitarised zone, waving, mooning and generally trying to catch the eye of Northern border patrols. Troops from the North are under strict orders not to respond to anything annoying, especially when it is coming from somewhere that they know couldn’t possibly exist.
South Korea has also called for a unified international response to the crisis. North Korea’s official news agency said that were the Europeans and America to unite against it, the country would be fully prepared to give its East and West the elbow as well.
Dr Malcolm Petrie, a Professor of Korean Topography at Cambridge University, said: “China, to the North of North Korea, is traditionally supportive of the regime, so the North could conceivably carry on for some time with only one fully functioning direction.”
The North Korean government last night issued a statement warning its people of further dangers in trying to locate the fictitious Southern region, saying that those who attempt it will fall off the edge of the world or be eaten by dragons.