Film director Peter Jackson today collected a Congressional Medal of Honour on behalf of 1930s screen icon King Kong.
Standing on the Hollywood Hall of Fame, Jackson announced “For far too long we, as a country, have portrayed Kong in a poor light. The beast’s wanton destruction of government property and inter-species sexual deviance should, in more enlightened times, be balanced against the fact that he was rudely kidnapped from his home in the Pacific and placed in a totally inhospitable environment against his will. Thus, I am delighted to accept this honour on his behalf, and declare him to be a national hero."
Jackson was accompanied by actress Jessica Lange, who had nothing but praise for the giant ape, apart from the bit where he tried to get her tits out in the 1976 version of his story.
“Every screen monster has its quirks. But we shouldn’t forget that Kong was mostly acting in self defence. Indeed, just think how different things might have been had he been there to thwart the 9/11 attacks on the World Trade Centre. The world could be a very different place today if we’d had the foresight to mandate a forty-foot gorilla on top of each at-risk skyscraper.”
Rupert Bear, who was last week arrested and charged with inciting racial hatred in relation to ill-conceived story lines in the 1920s, is said to be “gutted” at the favouritism being shown. “And don’t forget all that ape shit on the pavement!” he commented from his Sevenoaks retirement home. “At least I did it in the woods.”