The BBC has announced that its Christmas Day blockbuster 'Dragon's Den: The RBS Special' is expected to eclipse all other programmes, especially those in the science fiction and fantasy categories.
The bank, which in 2008 has liabilities of 1.8 trillion pounds, received several multi-billion pound investments from the UK government, and has since limited staff bonuses to less than £1Bn in an effort to cut costs.
Duncan Balantyne asked RBS boss Stephen Hestor to outline the bank's financial position which resulted in 'We want an 82% investment worth £325 billion and we lost £24 billion last year, can we have a fiver until next Friday?'
Most of the investors decided that RBS was a basket case and that providing additional funding was throwing money into a pit and that they 'Were out.' The only exception was George Osborne who pledged to give the bank whatever it needed 'So long as it continues to shaft its customers.' Heston confirmed that it would do-so with gusto.
'Duncan was clearly 'Oot' and even generous Debra said she only had a couple of quid in her knickers to pay for parking. George said that he believed that Alistair had made a brilliant investment and that the nation would recoup billions for the deal, but added 'Can you turn-down the heating, after all 18 degrees is rather warm.'
'After a talking-to by George the panel agreed that the investment in RBS was probably worthwhile especially if it asked HMRC to ignore certain tax avoidance schemes and meant that Theo kept the £4.75 disputed car-wash payment following the bank's disastrous computer failure earlier in the year.'