Vatican officials have recognised the religious significance of the new Alex Ferguson statue at Old Trafford. Monsignor Alberto Rivellino confirmed the 'Official Site of Religious Veneration' designation came because millions have attested to 'tears flowing from the statue'.
However. locals were sceptical of the so called supernatural emanations from the statue. Local man Les Morris (42) said, "It rains so much in Manchester that the statue has never been dry so how can we be sure it is weeping tears?"
Manchester United spokesman Brian Jones confirmed moves were ongoing to establish whether the Alex Ferguson statue was miraculous. "We've set up several hair dryers around the statue on a constant twenty four hour duration at the maximum setting. This is the same setting the manager uses if the lads let him down."
Alex Ferguson was unavailable for comment, but sources close to the Manchester United manager have denied the statue is to be the centrepiece of Red Nose day in March 2013.