Two foster children have asked to return to an orphanage after discovering their foster parents do not believe in Santa Claus. The parents, approved for fostering for seven years now, were 'unmasked as the dirty Santa Claus unbelievers that they really are' by Stephen, 7, and Mary 5, following a 'secret spy mission of hiding outside the living room door when they'd thought we'd gone to bed'.
The children rang social services to report their foster parents and ask to be introduced to parents with more compatible views. A care-worker stated that, "It is important to match children with the right parents. Particularly these days, when traditional racist and sexist views are really making a comeback in the British community, you have to be sure that if little Johnny is already a bit camp at the age of 8, we set him up with an appropriate father figure to (straighten him out/egg him on), depending on the associated care-worker's opinion."
This isn't the first case of a foster child asking to be relocated. Although typically complaints are along the lines of, "They make me go to bed at 7 o'clock", or, "They won't buy me a pony", more acrid claims of "I found out dad is a Tory", or "Fake mum reads Dan Brown books in secret", have been recorded this year. Anthony, 6, from London was appalled to discover his foster parents listen to Cliff Richard and made desperate escape plans before being rescued by his local care-worker, a Dizzy Rascal fanatic. Camille, 8, asked to get rid of her foster dad, but keep mum, as "men really aren't cut out for this parenting malarky."
The head of the Social Services stated, "We have entered a world where children could end up living in a polluted atmosphere and brought up thinking it's okay to mix ketchup and mayonnaise before dipping. Fortunately, we have created a wonderful society here in the UK, where children do not need to rely on their parents for a decent upbringing. Instead we have our pinnacle of society, the British Media. They will be sure to expose any dangers, particularly relevant if you are growing up 20 years ago, and make appropriately sized deals out of important non-trivial incidents like what one footballer said to another, which MP nicked a Kit-Kat Chunky in 2002, or who listened in to so-and-so's phone call about Aunty Sue's arthritis. Thankfully, there could not be a more appropriate environment to raise a child in the world."