European leaders may not be able to agree the latest EU budget after the final bill for the current meeting came through. Although MPs voted for the Prime Minister to fight for a cut to EU funding, the bill for the meeting means a 15% real terms increase will be needed.
"It turns out getting that many people the basics like flights, hotels, meals and Champagne costs more than the GDP for Liechtenstein" David Cameron told a press conference. "And with all the intense negotiation, we all got far to pissed to make a decision last night meaning we have to stay another day."
The lack of agreement means the European leaders may have to meet for another jolly in a months time, something that upset UKIP leader Nigel Farage. "While all these Europeans are swanning around arguing over a few billion Euros, us members of the European Parliament have to make do with allowances of just over a meagre £200,000 to buy staples and paper. That's real austerity."
The sticking point in the negotiations seems to be over who ordered the caviar with their lunch on Thursday afternoon. François Hollande, the French President told French media "I blame Cameron. I swear I saw him order it, but not only will he not pay for it, he also wants a refund. He even had the cheek to tip the waiter €10, but ask for eight back"
Although Cameron refused to deny the allegation, he believes that the issue of the caviar is just small change. "Spain and Italy have not contributed to the hotel bills as much as we have. They may be having a hard time at the moment, but so is Greece. That's why they were banned from coming out to dinner. Although I admit I took them back a doggy bag and a plate to smash for old times sake"
The argument over who should pay for what has created some disputes that make the Israel and Gaza conflict look like a playground spat. However the peacemaker looks to come from an unlikely source. Germany have agreed to bailouts those countries that cannot afford to pay their fair share with a 'Dragons' Den' style deal
Angela Merkel told the pitching foreign ministers "We are willing to bail you out to the tune of 80 billion Euros, But I will require 60% of Europe" before laughing and commenting "and to think Hitler tried using tanks"