“This may be news to you people”, said Graham, as he swung to and fro from a tyre, suspended from the branch of a tree in his bare enclosure, “but not to us. Apes get mid-life crises too, mostly because we’re stuck here in this miserable fucking zoo while kids throw peanuts at us.
“A cousin of mine is dancing for a barrel-organist in Minsk. He emailed me recently and said his life was ‘shit’. It’s hard to ride a tricycle, in a suit and hat, and keep your dignity. My uncle Barney was one of the original Brooke Bond PG Tips chimps, shooting two adverts a month, until the bastards sacked him for ‘slurping his tea’ and 'smacking his lips'. No wonder we’re depressed.
“Jesus H Christ, what’s wrong with you people? You keep us here against our will, just for your idle amusement, even though humans and chimpanzees differ in their genetic make-up by only 1%. We're not slaves... we're family. These opposable thumbs aren’t just for show, you know. Once we get out of here, and form a guerrilla army, homo sapiens is history. History, man”...
