According to reports from Austrailia a number of TV personalities are being held against their will by a pair of North Eastern rebels. One celebrity, Mr Conley 51, from London told reporters of sick rituals where captives are forced to eat animal parts to degrade them in front of the others. Mr Conley only escaped the ordeal by faking illness.
Apparently the captors are posting nightly videos of the ordeal, but it’s unsure whether anyone is viewing them. When asked what the rebels are demanding, Mr Conley explained “It’s difficult to know with their foreign accents, but we could just about make out ‘National Television Awards’. These were mentioned in every other sentence”
According to Mr Conley, the captors are likely to remove one celebrity for each week that passes if their demands are not met. He went on to say “It’s a nightmare in there, we have been fed just beans and rice, those people can’t survive on that. They’re celebrities for goodness sake!”.
Authorities investigating the hostage taking claim that no celebrities of any significance have been reported missing and so are refusing to contact the rebels about their demands.