Manchester-based Co-operative Group has announced a radical restructure to bring together the activities of its food and funeral divisions into its new Fooderial Services division.
'We know that the Tesco and Waitrose home delivery services are popular with consumers, but we have no suitable vehicles, so we have decided to make better use of the wait-time of our hearse fleet to deliver food supplies to busy householders' said Co-op boss Martin Stevens.
The new Fooderial Services division will deliver the full range of Co-op goods including bread, milk, flowers, wines and furniture and will also take-away problematic expired relatives once sufficient space has been generated in the delivery vehicle, 'Especially if we are delivering a sofa or new bed to the household before noon, in what we have decided to call Mourning Deliveries.'
Some commentators have pointed-out that there is potential for confusion on certain days of the year such as Mother's and Father's days where the likelihood of delivering inappropraite flower arrangements may exist if shopping lists become confused.
Supermarket rival Tesco has pointed-out that the BBQ products sold by Co-op Fooderial Services may be of suspect quality and provenance, especially in early to late afternoons when the crematoriums are at full capacity, and insists that its own burial by post service in partnership with DHL will provide outgoing consumers with the re-assurance they need, especially as the offer includes 500 fully cooked sausages for the post-funeral get-together.