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NATO updates phonetic alphabet

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Started 6 months ago by custard cream
Latest reply from Squudge

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custard cream

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The North Atlantic Treaty Alliance (NATO) released its updated phonetic alphabet tonight to refresh the existing words that have been used for over 40 years. The updated phonetic alphabet is:

A - Hay
B - Abbie
C - Kolkata
D - Dnipro
E - Eebygum
F - Effin
G - Gnu
H - Hrresistible
I - iPhone
J - Eject
K - California
L - Llwyd
M - Emma
N - Knowledge
O - Hopeless
P - Paedo
Q - Quintessential
R - Lubber
S - Essex
T - Tinternet
U - Yolk
V - Window
W - Victory
X - Extra
Y - Yakult
Z - Cyborg

Posted 6 months ago #
Squudge

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lovely idea with awful choices in there - perhaps we should have had this as a Neat-O topic

...do we HAVE a Neat-o topic yet?

Posted 6 months ago #
Tripod

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If you Google 'funny alphabets', you'll find quite a few variations on the theme. 'Ay for 'orses, etc...

Posted 6 months ago #
Squudge

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I am sure we could have special themed ones for 'Daily Mail Readers'
...or just 'Savile' (though I don't relish compiling that one)

Posted 6 months ago #
Golgo13

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Wasn't M/Emma actually used? (Thinking "Pip Emma" for "pm", First World War signallers etc...)

Not really sure what you're trying to do with this.

Posted 6 months ago #
The All New Jeni B

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The idea itself is a good one, but some of the alternatives you've used have left me scratching my head. Ok, most of them have me gathering splinters under my nails if I'm honest.

However, this may be down to my inherent dimness.

Perhaps between us, we can come up with some other suggestions?

Posted 6 months ago #
Smart Alex

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Must admit I like the idea of a phonetic alphabet that doesn't really work. Things like:-

C for Chthonic
P for Pharmacist or Pterodactyl
J for José
L for Llwyd
M for Mnemonic
W for Wholesome

unfortunately I doubt this is possible for the whole alphabet.

Posted 6 months ago #
Squudge

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OK - here we go with 'Squudge's new Phonetic Alphabet for Daily Mail Readers'

A - Abu (deriv. Hamza or Qatada) - ASBO is also acceptable
B - British
C - Chief Constable (or either word used singly)
D - Deport
E - Enemy
F - Foreigner
G - Gaol (or Gays)
H - Home Counties
I - immigrant (or 'illegal' or any combination thereof)
J - Jihadist
K - Killer
L - Lords (House of)
M - Mortgage
N - National (Curriculum, Front, etc.)
O - Outrage
P - Prison
Q - Queen
R - Royal
S - Students (as in 'bloody' or 'protest')
T - Terrorist (or threat, or teenagers ...same thing really)
U - Unemployed / Unemployment
V - Visa
W - Worrying
X - ex-pat (or expel, extradite - all are acceptable variants)
Y - Yacht
Z - Zero-tolerance (Zealot is also acceptable)

Feel free to adapt - I haven't had a cup of coffee yet so probably missed a gem or two

Posted 6 months ago #
Lucy4

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L for Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwlllantyiliogogogoch

Posted 6 months ago #
Squudge

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DM Readers might not feel that was sufficiently 'home counties' enough - but I like your thinking

I can envisage the receiving station, in difficult propagation or interference conditions, saying
"..FSSSHHHHHHHHHHKKTTT.. please say again, all after Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwlllantyiliogogogoch"

Posted 6 months ago #
waylandsmithy

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For balance, one for Guardian readers:

All Men Are
Bastards
Community
Diversity
Ethnic
Faith healer
Guilt
Hypocrites
Ipad
Jarrow
Kindle
Lesbians
Multicultural
Notting Hill
Oh my god, is that really a woman?
Public school
Quimocracy
Rustic
Ski trip
Thatcher
Unsustainable
Vagina
Windfarm
XC90 for those trips to Tuscany
Yashmak
Zionist plot

Posted 6 months ago #
Vertically Challenged Giant

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G - dyslexia

Posted 6 months ago #
Squudge

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and here with the too-easy phonetic alphabet for Sun Readers

A - Airbags
B - Boobies, Baps, Bazookas
C - Cleavage, Charlies
D - Dingers, Dugs
E - Earwarmers
F - Funbags, Foglights
G - Gazungas
H - Hooters
I - Islands
J - Jugs
K - Kahunas
L - Lungs
M - Mammaries, Melons, Mounds, Milk-jugs
N - Norks
O - Oompahs
P - Puppies
Q - Quangos
R - Rack
S - Stack
T - Tits, Tattybojangles
U - Udders
V - Volvos
W - Wallyjumblats
X - extra portions
Y - Yabos
Z - Zeppelins

Note 1: it is generally accepted that there are a few dozen regional variations under the letters 'B', 'M' and 'T; - all of them crap

Note 2: 'Knockers' is discounted on the grounds that some Sun readers (and indeed writers for the Guardian), might not know whether the letter 'N' or 'K' has been invoked

Note 3: The use of 'tattybojangles' is confined to twats and shouty stand-up comedians

Posted 6 months ago #
Ironduke

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I've not come across 'Look at the Quangos on that?' too frequently, though I could see it catching on...perhaps onomatopoeically?

Posted 6 months ago #
Squudge

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I admit I made that one up - but it is catchy, no?

Posted 6 months ago #
Midfield Diamond

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As the whole idea of the phonetic alphabet is to distinguish between letters by using words that don't sound alike, I like the idea of the opposite, eg

Ale
Bale
Creel
Dale
Eel
Fail
Gail
Hail
Isle
Jail
Kale
Loyal
Male
Nail
Oil
Pail
Quail
Rail
Sale
Tale
Ull
Veil
Whale
eXhale
Yale
Zeal

Posted 6 months ago #
Ironduke

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I think a swearwords alphabet has considerable merit; at the very least for clarifying your postcode

Posted 6 months ago #
johnnydobbo

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Smart Alec - I tried once.

A - aeon
B - bdellium
C - chutzpah
D - djibouti
E - einstein
F - fillip
G - gnome
H - hour
I - ian
J - junta
K - knot
L - łodz
M - mnemonic
N - ng
O - oestrogen
P - psychosis
Q - qi
R - rzsezów
S - schapska
T - tsar
U - uakiri
V - veldt
W - wrath
X - xenon
Y - ypres
Z - zaragoza

Bit of a cheat on F, but reckon if you hear the word 'fillip', you think P first.

Posted 6 months ago #
beau-jolly

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I once told an 'phone operator my postcode phoetically but he took Sierra to mean "C". Apparently there is a US rapper called Cierra. WTF. Did he think I was that down with the kids?

ID's sweary alphabet gets my vote! "that's S as in Shit not C as in Crap"

Posted 6 months ago #
Squudge

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over an alphabet consisting entirely of breasts?

<checks gaydar>

Posted 6 months ago #
quango

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"those are a fantastic pair of Squudges"...

Much more catchy no?

Posted 6 months ago #
Squudge

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we make a lovely pair

...I have to admit defeat on finding a legitimate 'q' word for 'those' - a gap in the market

Posted 6 months ago #

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