A frustrated David Cameron has announced tough new controls to prevent children accessing internet porn, saying that without the bandwidth-saving measures, men could be forced to play Sudoku or go to bed early.
The controls mean that anyone buying a new computer or signing up with an ISP will be shown how to install anti-pornography filters. Filter options available will include ‘no porn at all’, ‘child locked’, and ‘child and wife locked’. For those who can prove there is no child living at their address, a premium filter is available which removes everything else leaving only porn.
Mr Cameron said the policy showed how he has listened to the submission from the Mother’s Union, and the passionate plea from a loose coalition of stamp, chess, and model railway clubs whose male members were particularly keen on the measures.
The policy has broad cross-party support, with Ed Miliband saying the changes leave him ‘satisfied’ and Nick Clegg saying he was relieved as he was having real problems solving Sudoku. The House of Lords is also in support after they received assurances that spanking and bondage sites would be unaffected.
Mr Cameron acknowledged that the R18 filters would leave some teenagers disappointed: ‘I feel your pain but you will need to pay your dues with old copies of Playboy magazine or the Next catalogue - I have plenty of copies available in my shed, right next to the electric sander, should anyone want them.’